Saturday, 12 November 2011

tea for the long slog of a campaign

patriotic sculpture atop a hotel in Washington D.C.

Was spammed by a relatively new blogger, whose twitter avatar was still an unassuming egg.  He was doing his very best at using Social Media to grow his audience.  Unluckily, he happened upon Lisa Galaviz and me.  We subscribe to the old-fashioned method of ridiculing twitter spammers to grow our audience.

But his was a political blog, and I thought, 'I can do that.'  Poorly, but I can certainly do that.  But the thing is: how can I talk about politics on a teablog?  Quite easily actually.  I rarely let an unrelated topic keep me from pontificating on it at length.

Now, I live in Germany & love it here.  I'm obsessed by their politics and the curious way they go about things here in my adopted homeland.  And I read a lot about the machinations of the State in the United Kingdom.  Not sure I could write eloquently about that topic, but I could certainly give it a go.

But the reality is that most of my audience is across the ocean in The United States, and even those living elsewhere are bound to have read at least the bare minimum about those Republicans vying for the opportunity to run against Barack Obama to become the American president.

Just as a quick aside, I don't understand why anyone would actually want that job, but that'll be my one attempt at an actual political opinion here.  Instead, I'd like to ask what sort of tea each candidate might most enjoy.  If I leave someone out, please don't freak out.  This is anything but scientific or serious for that matter.

Had to consult with Lisa Galaviz and her friend @Whoremongers on twitter for the exact ingredients of Texas Tea.  I have bad news for you tea lovers.  This stuff doesn't actually have any tea in it.  As Lisa said it's, 'gin, tequila, vodka, and rum.  Oh, and a splash of Coke.'  (That's Coca Cola people.  This is a respectable teablog).  Any idea who this might be for?  Well it is Texas Tea, after all.  That one's for Texas Governor Rick Perry.  

What about Herman Cain?  No idea where his tastes might lay when it comes to tea, but I'm going to assume he likes strong flavour.  Maybe a smoky Grand Yunnan to go with that cigarette smoking ad his campaign put out.  That should be just right.

Representative Ron Paul, also from Texas, refuses to acknowledge that tea really has to come from the Camellia sinensis plant.  I'm going to give him a nice Caramel Rooibus, but I'm certainly not going to volunteer the fact that it's made from a Red Bush in South Africa.  Maybe the absence of caffeine will help him from getting overly excited.

What about Representative Michelle Bachmann from Minnesota?  Maybe she'd take a drop of milk with her tea, and the nicest Ceylon I know that goes well with a bit of milk is Ceylon Adawatte.  How's that?  I hope she'd like it.

And I don't have any idea if Newt Gingrich would bother with my offer of tea, but I'd certainly make an attempt.  He's seen as an intellectual, so what'd I consider a tea for a thinker?  How about an Assam Khongea, which is strong but not too malty.

I'm afraid Rick Santorum might see taking hot tea as being a bit too effeminate, so I'll save him the fear of embarrassment and offer him a nice glass of iced tea.  You think his Google search results are uncomfortable now, just imagine if 'tea drinker' came up in connection to him.

What in the world is Mitt Romney going to drink?  Now I'm in a bit of a quandary.  He similarly won't want to be seen drinking a cup of tea, but simultaneously wouldn't want to offend me by turning it down.  He's probably got a decent palette, so I'll go ahead and serve him my best 2nd flush Darjeeling Singbulli.  It's flavourful but is rather subtle about it.  No joke, this is some nice tea.  Even if we are out of the camera's eye (update: my friend Denise has informed me that as a Mormon, Mr Romney cannot have caffeine in any form.  Really?  That's unfortunate.  A better teablogger might edit his choice, but I just can't be bothered to think of a decent tea without caffeine).

I've saved the most difficult decision for last.  See, Jon Huntsman was actually the US Ambassador to China, so he's most definitely had some decent tea in his time.  But he's likely had to stick with the best of mainland tea.  My favourite tea from Little China (Taiwan) is an Alishan Zhu Lu Oolong.  I've waxed poetic about it here before.  I'm rather confident that he'll enjoy it.  If he doesn't, I'll have what he doesn't.  It's that good.

Did I miss anyone?  No idea.  But now I've done my political teablog.  It's going to be a long slog of a campaign.  I'm sure this tea will see each of them through.  That is if they even accept my offer.


  1. This is the most I have enjoyed politics since they all started arguing. I don't know why anyone would want that job either. Maybe for the tea?

  2. Well done. Who knew you could meld politics with tea?

  3. I have to agree with Lisa-- your analysis has made politics more interesting. Just curious, though. What tea would you assign as the official "Tea Party" tea?


    They're celebrating the original tea party, right? So, they've dumped all the good tea in the Boston harbour.

    For them I'd serve Lipton instant. With flavour crystals.