I'm sure all of you are reading, but there's just nothing to respond to when all I do is review teas. Teas that you'll likely never see or read about again. There you are. Two days of blog that I can't get back.
Sooooo...now I'm back. The real lahjikmajoe:
Drank a lot of tea today. Gallons of the stuff. Quantity not quality is what I say. Ok, maybe not. What I really say is, 'Quantity and quality'. Both of them. More and more often.
Thank you sir. May I 'ave another?
Here's what I've been thinking about lately and what tea I was drinking when I came to the conclusions stated.
Did you see that documentary a few years ago called The Corporation? It treated major multi-national corporations as if they were pathological and unstable mental patients. Based on that premise, it essentially said that your typical run-of-the-mill huge corporation was the equivalent of a depraved hellbent-for-leather sort of 'Nick Nolte on a bender'. Not that that's necessarily a problem. I'm sure Nick Nolte is fun while the party lasts. I was drinking a Milky Oolong while contemplating this part.
The next thing is about Obama. Don't think I'm going to pile on old Obama. He's still doing fine by me. Really. But honestly. The posturing about BP. Are you serious? Does anyone believe the Obama administration can do a damned thing about BP? Short answer: he can't. Full-stop. BP and Shell and Montesanto (sp?) and Nestle and Kraft and Coke and Archer Daniels Midland...they'll do what they like. No matter what Amadieneshad and Kim Jong Il do, they're small potatoes compared to the lords of Big Oil and Bigger (more processed) food. While I was just ranting while writing that last part, I was drinking some Formosa Oolong.
And here's the last piece of mental walkabout for you relatively quiet readers (invitation to flippin' say something in the comments section after this post):
Mustard is far superior to mayonnaise. Any mustard. All mustard is better than the nicest of mayo. I wasn't drinking any tea for that one. I was eating mustard. Mustard slathered all over some more mustard.
Showing posts with label Nick Nolte. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nick Nolte. Show all posts
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
Celebrity tea drinkers
Whether you like it or not, celebrity drives media. Papers are sold not because people want to know what’s in the new financial regulations for the Greeks. A few people want to know that hard news stuff, but most people just want to know which celebrity is dating whom, whether Nick Nolte has had another airport meltdown, or if the new season of Lost will finally explain what the hell Lost is all about or not.
So all of this has trickled down to my laughable teablog. Even this site is celebrity driven. The increase in traffic when I mention Kevin Rose and his tea tattoo is only win-win. Or that Larry King killed Michael Jackson with his own hands for ratings week (until now it’s an unsubstantiated rumor).
Everything you’re about to read is an out and out lie. I made all of it up. Every word. It’s not even based on a whit of fact. Still, it could be true. All of it is within the realm of possibility. England could with the Cup in South Africa this summer. Not remotely likely, but a nation can dream, right?
What tea are our celebrities drinking these days? Hmmm…good question, Lahikmajoe. Let’s explore. You know Woody Harrelson drinks the green tea. Something that looks and smells like turtle urine. But green tea it is. Although it’s clearly primarily tea, this is Woody Harrelson. The aroma might very well be a mix between green tea and green leaf. To each his own, eh Woody?
What’s in Nicholas Sarkosy’s cup? I’d say, based upon my nuanced understanding of geo-politics, Nicky’s drinking a second flush Darjeeling. He and Carla Bruni might tipple in the afternoon, but the day starts with some very upscale tea. Figures.
You might think Richard Branson’s drinking coffee or some ridiculous energy drink. Wrong on the first guess, but his energy drink is tea. No doubt. He likes almost any Assam blend. Almost. And he wouldn’t turn down a smoky Lapsang Souchong.
The pope drinks Chamomile. The Archbishop of Canterbury is partial to a hearty English Breakfast blend that’s mix of a strong morning tea with lighter black teas. He’s not going to ask for it by name. Too conspicuous. Again: all true. Every word.
I know for a fact Boris Becker could care less about the tea they’re serving him. Give the guy a cup of Earl Grey. He won’t ever notice that the Bergamot oil is overwhelming. And other athletes/actors? Chuck Norris? Chuck Norris drinks the sort of tea that vanquishes your enemies and leaves time for a picnic at the end. One where Chuck Norris leaves early to go either brew up more tea of catch some bad guys.
Speaking of bad guys, how about Kim Jong Il in North Korea? What kind of tea would keep him from launching his next ill-advised loony campaign? Why not a nice cup of Green Temple of Heaven ‘Gunpowder’ tea? Certainly couldn’t hurt.
Be sure to include these factoids in your dinner party banter. You’ll be the envy of the party. Or seen as the equivalent of a mental patient who needs the kind of tea that comes in a prescription drug bottle. I’d aim for the former rather than the latter option. If you’re the life of the party, you can more easily find out what tea the celebrities are drinking. When you find out, could you let me know?
So all of this has trickled down to my laughable teablog. Even this site is celebrity driven. The increase in traffic when I mention Kevin Rose and his tea tattoo is only win-win. Or that Larry King killed Michael Jackson with his own hands for ratings week (until now it’s an unsubstantiated rumor).
Everything you’re about to read is an out and out lie. I made all of it up. Every word. It’s not even based on a whit of fact. Still, it could be true. All of it is within the realm of possibility. England could with the Cup in South Africa this summer. Not remotely likely, but a nation can dream, right?
What tea are our celebrities drinking these days? Hmmm…good question, Lahikmajoe. Let’s explore. You know Woody Harrelson drinks the green tea. Something that looks and smells like turtle urine. But green tea it is. Although it’s clearly primarily tea, this is Woody Harrelson. The aroma might very well be a mix between green tea and green leaf. To each his own, eh Woody?
What’s in Nicholas Sarkosy’s cup? I’d say, based upon my nuanced understanding of geo-politics, Nicky’s drinking a second flush Darjeeling. He and Carla Bruni might tipple in the afternoon, but the day starts with some very upscale tea. Figures.
You might think Richard Branson’s drinking coffee or some ridiculous energy drink. Wrong on the first guess, but his energy drink is tea. No doubt. He likes almost any Assam blend. Almost. And he wouldn’t turn down a smoky Lapsang Souchong.
The pope drinks Chamomile. The Archbishop of Canterbury is partial to a hearty English Breakfast blend that’s mix of a strong morning tea with lighter black teas. He’s not going to ask for it by name. Too conspicuous. Again: all true. Every word.
I know for a fact Boris Becker could care less about the tea they’re serving him. Give the guy a cup of Earl Grey. He won’t ever notice that the Bergamot oil is overwhelming. And other athletes/actors? Chuck Norris? Chuck Norris drinks the sort of tea that vanquishes your enemies and leaves time for a picnic at the end. One where Chuck Norris leaves early to go either brew up more tea of catch some bad guys.
Speaking of bad guys, how about Kim Jong Il in North Korea? What kind of tea would keep him from launching his next ill-advised loony campaign? Why not a nice cup of Green Temple of Heaven ‘Gunpowder’ tea? Certainly couldn’t hurt.
Be sure to include these factoids in your dinner party banter. You’ll be the envy of the party. Or seen as the equivalent of a mental patient who needs the kind of tea that comes in a prescription drug bottle. I’d aim for the former rather than the latter option. If you’re the life of the party, you can more easily find out what tea the celebrities are drinking. When you find out, could you let me know?
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