tea kills (maybe)

This is the longest I've gone without blogging since I started this teablog a few years ago, and I have to apologise. Really, it wasn't intentional.

I could make up a lot of excuses, but the truth is you don't come here for my problems. You come here for teablogging goodness, and that's what I intend to give you. Is this the prettiest teablog you've ever seen? It is not. Am I an expert on the topic of tea? Nope. Far from it.

The whole point of this teablogging lark was to document my 'learning about tea' journey, as well as to display my writing. I already had made a few stabs at other blogs, and there was something missing. I read some things about bliss and passion, and then I wondered what mine were.

A while back, in the midst of one of the busiest times I've had in years, I saw an article that would shock and astound you. Well, it would if I could find it. It was in a German paper, which I set aside in order to use it for a future blogpost.

When I went hunting for it earlier today, it'd disappeared. Gone. What to do? Not sure.

It was a scientific article that made a dramatic and terrifying claim. For any of you men who drink a lot of tea, as well as for the people who love them, this was worrying stuff. But can I write about it if I don't have the source? If I only have a very vague idea of what the article even said?

Of course I can. I can do nearly anything I want here. This is all fun and games, right? Teablogging fun and games.

So, I'm going to pass on an unsubstantiated story...you've been warned. Hold onto your hats, because you're not going to like this.

If you drink eight cups of tea, or more, per day and are of the male persuasion, there's a higher likelihood that you'll get prostate cancer. You heard me. All you people who tout the health benefits of tea can stick that where the sun don't shine.

That tea you love so much...the tea you swill from dawn to dusk...your tea is killing you. And I can't think of a better reason to break my teablogging silence. As one of the Beasts of Brewdom, I feel it's the very least I could do.

For the good everyone.

Be careful out there gentlemen. It's not easy being a tea drinker.

Have a Cuppa Tea

Was sent a YouTube video of a Kinks cover (thanks Elaine), and I thought this would be the perfect beginning for a blogpost. Here's Elasticated Waste Band singing Have a Cuppa Tea:

It might not be the most in-tune song you've ever heard, but the original isn't much better (Sorry Mr Davies).

Here are the lyrics to Have a Cuppa Tea:

Granny's always ravin' and rantin'  

And she's always puffin' and pantin',  

And she's always screaming and shouting,  

And she's always brewing up tea.  

Grandpappy's never late for his dinner,  

Cos he loves his leg of beef  

And he washes it down with a brandy,  

And a fresh made cup of tea.  

Chorus:  

Have a cuppa tea, have a cuppa tea,  

have a cuppa tea, have a cuppa tea,  

Halleluja, halleluja, halleluja, Rosie Lea  

Halleluja, halleluja, halleluja Rosie Lea.    

If you feel a bit under the weather,  

If you feel a little bit peeved,  

Take granny's stand-by potion  

For any old cough or wheeze.  

It's a cure for hepatitis it's a cure for chronic insomnia,  

It's a cure for tonsilitis and for water on the knee.  

Chorus  

Tea in the morning, tea in the evening, tea at supper time,  

You get tea when it's raining, tea when it's snowing. Tea when the weather's fine,  

You get tea as a mid-day stimulant You get tea with your afternoon tea  

For any old ailment or disease For Christ sake have a cuppa tea.  

Chorus 

Whatever the situation whatever the race or creed,  

Tea knows no segregation, no class nor pedigree  

It knows no motivations, no sect or organisation,  

It knows no one religion, Nor political belief. 

Now, I must admit that this video and its text are really enough content for a blogpost. I could leave it at that, and be quite satisfied in my efforts as a respected and influential teablogger. But let's be candid here. If I did only the bare minimum, I'd be letting down my horde of tea drinking fans.

Let's dissect the song then, why don't we

The song begins with Granny, and I can't imagine a better place to start. Yes, Granny brews a lot of tea. She simultaneously raves, rants, puffs, and pants. Put that together with her screaming and shouting, and you have a very fiery kind of elderly lady.

However, just because she's a bit emotionally imbalanced doesn't necessarily mean the tea is to blame. Many people confuse causation with correlation. You know...that she drinks a lot of tea and then freaks out. As a matter of fact, my theory is that Granny would be much worse without her tea. That she's naturally a bit unhinged, but swilling at her tea actually balances her out. Even if only a bit.

That leads us to Grandpappy. He's a character, isn't he? He's what I like to call a raconteur. A man about town.  A bit of a sensualist, as well. If you know what I'm saying. Eats with enthusiasm, has a bit of fire water to wash his meal down, as a gentleman will do. How do I know Grandpappy's a gentleman? Well, he has that 'fresh made cup of tea' to round out his voracious hunger and thirst.

Then we sing praises to (or possibly with) a woman called Rosie Lea. Aren't you curious who she is? Me too. I'm going to assume with Granny hollering and Grandpappy nipping at his hipflask, that Rosie Lea could very well be one of those ladies of the evening. Seems only appropriate.

Tea will help whatever ails you - we've talked about the medical benefits of tea on this blog before. Just recently, I wrote tea will cure everything...all of it. Here're a few more items for your list of things tea will cure. Hepatitis, insomnia and even a tonsilitis? Well, of course. Fun times. But what about 'water on the knee'?

But this also promises relief if one feels 'a little bit peeved'. I'm nearly always just a bit peeved. I'm very doubtful if tea's done anything about that.

Or...maybe without the tea, I'd be incredibly peeved. Massively peeved. I don't like the thought of that. Need to think about something else quickly.

I also appreciate the mention of tea at every meal. Breakfast? Check. In the evening? Check. When Mr Davies says 'Suppertime' here, he means his midday meal. Shall we have tea then, as well? Yes, please. I believe we shall.

Good weather or bad weather - any meteorological situation calls for tea. Any time of day, as well. Wait, we've already been over all this. And again with the health benefits. We get it. Does the songwriter think we haven't been paying attention?

And finally, we get to the best part. The 'tea is an equal opportunity elixir' section. Race or creed? You can be one or even both and drink tea. Do you have any class? Well, have some tea. Uncooth? I know the thing for you. You guessed it - a nice hot cuppa.

I do have one difference of opinion here, though. Tea 'has no motivations'? Oh, really? This has certainly not been my experience. Plenty of motivations if you ask me. Plenty. And then some.

And right at the end there's the whole John Lennon Imagine thing. The 'no countries' part and the 'nothing to kill or die for' part and the part that makes some religious people irritable, as well as that little 'people living life in peace' afterthought.


Repeat the chorus (again with the Hallelujas and that tramp of a Rosie Lea) and there you have a nice little song about a spot of tea. What more could you want?

tea will cure everything...all of it

There are two sorts of teabloggers in the world. Those who mindlessly regurgitate the purported health benefits of tea, and those who scoff.

Ok, that's a bit of a simplification. I know. And it's not fair for me to disparage every single person who writes about this, because there are health benefits. And that's likely one of the things that first attracts many people to tea. That or peer pressure. For example, you live in a tea-drinking culture, and you simply want to fit in. Sounds like an above-average culture to me.

But the thing that sticks in my craw is the ridiculously over-the-top claims that are made. 'This tea will not just cure your inoperable cancer, but miraculously make your mother-in-law adore you'. Although those are exaggerations, the things I regularly read that tea can cure or prevent are wildly speculative.

Let me just say again: I know tea drinking can be good for you. Some of the things can be empirically proven, and the others are written in a way that you can't exactly disprove them. 'This tea might very well make all your dreams come true'. That sort of thing.

So imagine my delight when I found a list of the medical benefits of tea, while reading Alan & Iris MacFarlane's The Empire of Tea recently. Translated from a Chinese source by Member of Parliament T. Povey in 1686, here are all of the things this magical elixir that we call tea can do for you:

1. It purifyes the Bloud of that which is grosse and Heavy.
2. It Vanquisheth heavy Dreames.
3. It Easeth the brain of heavy Damps.
4. Easeth and cureth giddinesse and Paines in the Heade. 
5. Prevents the Dropsie.
6. Drieth Moist humours in the Heade.
7. Consumes Rawnesse.
8. Opens Obstructions.
9. Cleares the Sight.
10. Clenseth and Purifieth adults humours and a hot Liver.
11. Purifieth defects of the Bladder and Kiddneys.
12. Vanquisheth Superfluous Sleep.
13. Drives away dissines, makes one Nimble and Valient. 
14. Encourageth the heart and Drives away feare. 
15. Drives away all Paines of the Collick which proceed from Wind.
16. Strengthens the Inward parts and Prevents Consumptions.
17. Strengthens the Memory.
18. Sharpens the Will and Quickens the Understanding.
19. Purges Safely the Gaul.
20. Strengthens the use of due benevolence.

Wow. Maybe I was wrong about this tea stuff. All that sounds wonderful. If one drinks tea, he'll have no medical-related problems again. Right?

Let's start with number 1: This is good, right? Who doesn't want purified blood? Is blood gross and heavy? Well, I suppose it is. I haven't weighed mine. Not lately, anyway.

2. Vanquishing heavy dreams is good. No-one wants heavy dreams. Just remember: have a little tea right before bed, and you'll have only fluffy and light dreams. Not too much, though. One thing drinking a lot of tea will undoubtedly do for you is make you need to make frequent trips to the toilet.

3. I have no idea about this one. Is your brain weighed down by over-sized Damps? What on earth is a Damp? Can't imagine that it's all that good. 

4. This one says it takes away headaches, which is good, but do you really want to be cured of being giddy? I'm not sure I want it eased. I'm so rarely giddy. I want it to last as long as possible.

5. Dropsy? I had to do a search to find out what this might be, and it appears it's only something which afflicts fish. Here: if your fish have come down with it, you can go to Dealing With Dropsy to solve all your Dropsy-related problems. If you're a human with Dropsy, you need only drink tea.

6. What is it with people and their moist heads? Really. Were earlier people so dehydrated? I'm glad tea will solve that. Thank you, tea.

7. This one is most appreciated. Rawness needs to be consumed. Cooking things is over-rated. We should all really embrace the consumption of raw things. Or rawness in general.

8. The way I see it, obstructions are begging to be opened. It's the natural order of things. It is, isn't it? You build an obstruction, and something or someone is going to do his damnedest to break it down. In this case, that thing will be the power of tea.

9. Tea will make blind people see once more? That's good news, isn't it?

10-11. What's an adult humour? And a hot liver? They don't sound good. The same goes for defects of the bladder and kidneys.

12. I don't think I want my superfluous sleep vanquished. I get very little of that. I'd like more, actually.

13. Nimble and valiant...and no longer dizzy. This'll be good news for some dizzy people I know. If any of you want a bit more nobility and/or valiance in your life, you might consider drinking more tea.

14. If you drink tea, you'll no longer be afraid. Those fears will be driven away, if they've not been driven away already. Enjoy a fearless life from here on out.

15. Ok, the wind-produced colic? They're talking about flatulence here. Maybe I'm not drinking enough tea. I drink a lot of tea, but this affliction has yet to have been cleared up. One can still hope, right?

16. Inward parts...wait a minute. This one could be taken so many ways. I think my inward parts are plenty strong, but because there's mention of consumption...well, I suppose it means something different. I saw La Boheme. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with the consumption. 

17. Tea does a lot of things, but memory strengthening isn't one of them. At least not in my case. Maybe I'm drinking the wrong tea.

18. My will is rather sharp, but I wouldn't mind a bit quicker understanding. This is like the memory improvement. It's not getting better because of tea drinking. If anything age has slowed my understanding.

19. My mother had Gall Bladder surgery when I was a little boy, and from what she said, it hurt like hell. Just think: if she'd drunk a lot more tea, no need for surgery. At this point, you're probably relieved that I have nothing to do with the medical profession. 

20. Finally, my very favourite one. And I quote: 'Strengthens the use of due benevolence'. I like to parse sentences, and this is a wonderful opportunity. We're not talking about improving all benevolence. Only the earned sort. The 'due' benevolence. That means if I deem you don't deserve it, my benevolence for you is non-existent. Nada. Niente.

So, what have we learned here? That tea will cure everything...all of it. What I was talking about at the beginning of this post was misguided. The truth is that any time someone touts the health benefits of tea, you should believe them whole-heartedly. Dreams coming true and all.

You can tell them I said so.

fasting tea - herbs that clean you from within

the green balloon is a symbol - what'll happen to the green ballon?

Let me start out with two very weighty disclaimers. I'm writing about products that market themselves as tea, but have absolutely nothing to do with the Camellia sinensis plant. They call it 'fasting tea' and although I'm aware that plenty of you will take issue with the terminology, I'm just not prepared to go through the entire post and keep writing 'fasting tisane'.

The other thing is that I have no personal experience with any of these products. I don't drink tea to enhance my fasting. You'd immediately be able to tell from my less-than-svelte appearance that I haven't fasted in years (if ever).

Why am I writing about it then? I saw something about fasting tea in a complimentary magazine called Schrott&Korn, which you find in many health food stores in Germany. Typically when I see something tea-related in my daily life, I make some sort of attempt to incorporate it here. Before I go on about it, here's the original article:

Fastentee - Kräuter, die von innen reinigen

Here's another disclaimer. 'Jeez, there are a lot of those so early into this,' you say? Actually, I think this is important enough to make quite a bit of it. The health benefits that are claimed tea drinking will bring you are often laughable and sometimes even downright deceptive. So much so, that I spend half of any post I write on this subject stating and restating that I'm neither a medical doctor nor scientifically versed enough to verify any of the things upon which I'm reporting. You've been warned.

The first point the article makes is that the fasting tea is only going to be as good as its ingredients, which is nearly too obvious for me to repeat. Yet the point that's made is that when you're fasting, your body is particularly vulnerable to products that might've either been grown with pesticides or handled in some other improper way. Apparently, the herbs shouldn't be fumigated or irradiated either. 

As a rule Germans take this sort of thing rather seriously. Not sure wherever you are in the world that you'd even know if they'd been doing these things to products, but here...here, this sort of thing is checked quite carefully.

What's the result of herbs in tea?

According to the article if you're intention is to purify and detoxify your system, then it's your liver, gall bladder and kidneys that need the most attention. What ingredients do the most for those organs? The usual suspects that are in many fasting teas are: stinging nettle, birch leaves, and juniper berries. 

Now, remember: Am I a doctor? No. Am I recommending that you go stock up on stinging nettle, birch leaves, and juniper berries? I most certainly am not. Just telling you what I've read.

Dandelion is a diuretic and Milk Thistle is helpful in liver regeneration (it's the Flavonol Silymarin that does it, but I assure you there'll be no test). Who didn't know all that? (I didn't)

Elder berries take away the inflammation and decreases sweating, while (pepper)mint will calm your upset stomach and make your digestion more regular (actually, I knew that last one).

In the rhythm of a day; typical fasting herbs

From my understanding, you should be avoiding coffee or true tea (you know, anything coming from the above-mentioned Camellia sinensis plant) if you're doing a proper fast. For some reason, that's why so many fasting teas have Mate in them.

There's both caffeine and Theobromine in the Mate, and I'm only just now realising that Mate needs it's own post. There are plenty of people out there in the tea world talking about Mate, and I'm sure none of you can forget Lisa Galaviz's trip to Teavana in How NOT to go to a Tea Shop, where she came back with Mate and I insisted you Don't tell her it's not tea.

But the real point of this whole post was to come round to talking about stinging nettle. 

If you didn't bother clicking over to that Wikipedia link, there's a very humourous bit about Competitive Eating in which they describe:

In the UK, an annual Stinging Nettle Eating Championship draws thousands of people to Dorset, where competitors attempt to eat as much of the raw plant as possible. Competitors are given 60 cm (20 in) stalks of the plant, from which they strip the leaves and eat them. Whoever strips and eats the most stinging nettle leaves in a fixed time is the winner. The competition dates back to 1986, when two neighbouring farmers attempted to settle a dispute about which had the worst infestation of nettles.

Doesn't that sound like a lot of fun?

So stinging nettle is a very curious plant to me. Again, thanks to Wikipedia I know that it's a dioecious herbaceous perennial. Really? A perennial? How lovely. 

There're few things I'd rather avoid when I'm out in nature in the summer than stinging nettle, but I've often heard that it's not just nutritious when cooked, but used in many alternative health remedies. Specifically in a fasting tea. 'Oh, are we back to that?' you ask. 

Well, yes. That was the original point of all this, wasn't it? 

The article itself made quite a bit of noise about a brand of fasting tea that you probably can't even find anyway, unless you're in Germany. Purportedly, the five different sorts they offer are created for either the specific time of day or a unique aspect of fasting. To my eyes, it looks like clever marketing, but I'm not going to advertise the brand here. You can go to the link if you're really curious.

Would I recommend you use either this or any other product to aid whatever fast you might endeavour to take part in? I would NOT. I'm only passing on the information as I found it. 

Do I think you should have a Competitive Eating contest in which you consume stinging nettle? Now that is something I can stand behind whole-heartedly. 

remember the green balloon? that's all the bad stuff you get rid of when fasting

why drink tea?

Enough with my measured, careful claims about tea and its benefits.

Why should you drink tea?

Immortality of course.  If you drink tea, especially good tea, you'll live forever.

No death.  Minimal disease.  You'll be invited to all the best parties.  Can I prove it?  Nope.  Do I have any empirical evidence?  Evidence schmevidance.

You'll live forever.  Basta.

Smile.  Enjoy yourself.  It's going to be a long one.


(Warning: the claims made in this blogpost are not remotely based on fact or any connection to reality whatsoever. That doesn't necessarily mean they're not true)

this stuff'll kill you

an apothecary in Munich

I've been reading a lot recently about the health benefits of tea.  It's rather remarkable what drinking this stuff will do for you.  Most of the time I reject these promises outright.  The proof, if there is in fact any proof, is often flimsy.  Or misleading.

So I went searching for the most ridiculous promises of tea's magical properties, and a funny thing happened.  Many of the sources I found wrote their claims in such a way that they can't be disputed.

'Drinking tea might delay Alzheimer's' or 'Green and black tea can slow down the spread of prostate cancer' or 'Tea may lower cholesterol and protect against heart disease'.  You get the idea...this stuff just might happen...maybe...actually, the place I read those provided sources for many of the claims and they look reputable enough.  You want to see it?

It's at a site called 2BASnob.  Aside from recommending that you should drink loose-leaf tea whenever possible, but if you're on the go and have to drink instant or bottled tea, you should just drink more...yeah, aside from that, it seems like there's a lot of good information.

I can hear you saying, 'That's not funny.  What was the funny thing that happened?'  Well, I was getting to that.  So then I found a site based upon the Wikipedia page about health benefits of tea.  It's a page with some content (the first column) and then a selection of google ads and related stories (the second column), which appear to send you to similarly written articles.  Then there's another section for ads and video news and some more ads and then a listing of breaking news (the third column)...What the hell is your point Lahikmajoe?

(revision...I don't want to drive any, or any more, traffic to that site, so I've resolved to link to Alex Cazort's article Health Benefits of Tea, which actually has reliable information not written in such an annoying and meaningless style)

I'm sure this site is driving lots of traffic to and fro, but is all of this really necessary?  It's so busy...I'm almost unable to focus on the reason I came here.  Health benefits of tea, right? (Again, I've taken the link out to that site.  If you really want to see it, I'm sure a quick search will bring you either to it or somewhere as useless).

Once I pay attention, my eyes zero in on this sentence:

One should consult a doctor before using high concentrations of tea for disease prevention.

Really?  I drink a lot of tea, but not necessarily for disease prevention.  I'm still ok, yes?  My doctor's going to think I'm nuts if I bring this to her.

'Doc, I have to be honest,' I hear myself saying, 'I drink a lot of tea.'

'Yes, and...,' she answers. 'What seems to be the problem?'

So then I tell my doctor what I read next on the Science Daily website:

'Ingestion of large amounts of tea may cause nutritional and other problems because of the strong binding activities of tea polyphenols and the caffeine content, although no solid data exist concerning harmful effects of tea consumption.'

Did you hear that doctor?  I'm doomed.  It's all over.

'I have good news and bad news,' she tells me.  'Which do you want first?'


Oh my, it's worse than I thought.  Ok, I can take it.  Give me the bad news first.

'The bad news is that you are, in fact, going to die,' she acknowledges.

I knew it!  All that bloody tea.  What was I thinking?  Ok, what could possibly be the good news?

'Well, the good news is that it's very unlikely going to be from tea consumption.  It's possible, but highly unlikely.  And probably a long long time from now.'

Oh.  Really?  Well that is good news, isn't it?  I'm going to celebrate this by brewing a pot of tea.  Would you like a cup, doc?

on The Path of Tea

In the South (of the United States), the natives drink a very aptly titled concoction called Sweet Tea. It's iced tea mixed with as much sugar as it can possibly take. Actually, there's normally more sugar than can actually be dissolved in the tea. You get to the bottom of a glass of Sweet Tea, and there's a syrupy sludge that is surely a dentist's nightmare.

I had few illusions that I'd find anything promising when I did a search for tea shops/tea rooms in Houston, Texas. It seemed like an exercise in futility.

Boy, was I wrong.

Almost immediately, I stumbled across The Path of Tea. I knew I had to visit this one. The site is beautiful and informative, but the shop itself is an experience.

The webpage introduces you to Thia McKann and says that she's the only Certified Tea Master in the State of Texas. That Texas needed more than one tea master, I would've sarcastically questioned before seeing this site. It was clear I'd need to keep my snarky comments to myself. I resolved that I definitely needed to see this shop.

The thing I liked most when I arrived was that there was absolutely no tea snobbery. There was an incredibly friendly woman that ushered us deeper into the shop and quickly put us at ease in a way that seems oddly second nature to people from this part of the world. She explained to my mother in very understandable detail what health benefit each type of tea offered. We hadn't even met the owner/tea master, but we were already in good hands.

I've often felt uncomfortable making claims of tea's health benefits, but I like the very concise list that's offered on the website here.



There was quite a nice selection of teapots and teacups, and it was instantly evident that this place was not willing to sell a bit of Kitsch, while sneaking in the good stuff. The owner laughed when she recounted how people told her a shop that focused exclusively on tea would never be successful here. She'd insisted on a shop that focused on quality tea and just tea, and the result speaks for itself.





The best part was the selection of tea that was on offer. There was a display case with little cannisters of loose-leaf tea. Unlike so many places where the tea is jealously guarded behind a counter, this case was out in the middle of the shop where the customer was encouraged to open and look at and sniff at each sample of leaves. Like I said, the whole thing seemed to discourage any sort of tea snobbery.

They'd received a shipment of various Chinese green tea, and the staff was happily pouring cup after cup not only amongst themselves but also with the customers milling around. Our conversation veered wildly away from tea issues and we found ourselves in a lively chat about anything and everything. Exactly the way it should be.

If anyone asks you, there is tea drinking in Texas.

Is tea bad for you?

Had a ton of great responses to my horror story about my kettle from a few days ago. Thanks for all of that. It really is fulfilling to entertain.

So two things happened this week that got me off on another tangent, and somehow I think this'll be appreciated here. Rather than work my way up to it, I'll ask the question here at the outset:

Is tea bad for you?

We often hear about how green tea can cure cancer or halitosis or Tourette's. For every potential life-saving property that's attributed to tea-drinking, there's someone else out there insisting that the science doesn't back up the claims. I'm glad there are people arguing this, but I'm really out of my depth when any of these topics come up.

My response, when the topic of health benefits of tea arises, is to very clearly say that I really don't know. I love drinking the stuff. If there are additional advantages, then I'm all the happier.

But what if all this tea I'm drinking is actually detrimental? Ooh, now this might get interesting.

My friend Art has had some rather monumental health issues that've led him to assess everything he's always thought about nutrition and diet. Anytime he sends me anything, I take it seriously. Partly out of solidarity for him and his struggles. Partly because he finds good stuff. When he locates anything tea-related, I know it's coming my way.

So the blogpost he sent me is from Lindsey "Vee" Goodwin of Vee Tea and it's all about Tea and Iron. It might be two and a half years old, but it seems like all of this still stands. Let me be perfectly clear: she does not say that tea's bad for you.

She does however talk about the effect of the tannins in tea on both anemic and vegetarians, and recommends that those people drink less tea or avoid the black or highly-oxidised Oolong tea that have a lot of tannins. Please don't take any of this from me. Go click on the link, and read what she has to say about it.

She does ask at one point, “You want me to drink LESS tea and plan my meals around my tea-drinking! You must be crazy!” So I wanted to throw this out as a hypothetical:

What if you found out drinking too much tea was, in fact, bad for you? Would it impact your tea drinking in the least? I write quite a bit about black tea. Would I be willing to alter which tea I drink for the sake of my health?

The other thing that happened was much more frivolous. My dentist informed me that it was very self-evident that I was a heavy tea drinker. She said it as if it was an admonition, but I glowed with pride. It's just cosmetic, isn't it? What would you sacrifice for the sake of tea?

But she did convince me to lay off the black tea for the rest of the day. Might sound like it's not much of an inconvenience. I have plenty of really nice Oolong and green tea, but once my black tea was off-limits...it wasn't a pretty sight.

sleepwalking through life

Have decided to try a different approach. This blog is fine if I just want to entertain myself and the three or four of you who regularly come and tell me you enjoy it.

I want people coming here in droves. Maybe someone writing a teablog should be happy with a handful of loyal readers, but I'm not. I'll be happy when my handful of daily readers is multiplied by a few thousand. Unrealistic for such a niche topic? Whatever. I disagree. What's wrong is that the people who aren't coming here still think this is a blog about tea.

It's not.

Only in theory is this about tea. To be really blunt, it's not about tea at all. Tea's the gateway. Tea's the thing that some of you are obsessed about. You know I'm obsessed about tea, so periodically you wonder, 'Hm...I wonder what nonsense lahikmajoe has burped out today.'

You're in for a treat if you chose today to happen by. I don't think you've yet realised what a treat this is about to be.

My goal isn't only to attract newcomers to tea. That's only part of the point, but not the most important part. And it's not to write about my impressions of some rare Oolong that you'll neither find nor ever actually drink. That still seems like the biggest waste of energy of many teablogs I know.

What I really want to do here is not only talk about tea, but talk about taste. Developing taste. When you drink more good tea, your perception of all tea changes. It's true if you eat better chocolate or hear an excellent orchestra.

Once you've heard the Concertgebouw with Mengelberg, it's hard to go back to Daffy Duck and the Podunk Philharmonic. Eating top-shelf chocolate is only going to ruin you for common bars. But see, tea only opens a door. If you start drinking decent tea, you might actually upgrade your biscuits/cookies. You might splurge and try a piece of cake to have with your tea.

My schtick isn't just tea. It's sensuality.

I played music with a lovely violinist called Uschi when I went to school in Cincinnati. She and I were as close as two can get without being intimate. We drank Rolling Rock, played foosball, and talked in her improving English about everything from music to politics to astronomy. One day, she turned to me and told me that I was a 'Lebenskünstler'. A what? Lebenskünstler.

What in the world is that? She made it sound so good. 'You really enjoy every moment of life to the fullest. You don't care what society thinks of you and you do what you like.' Lebenskünstler translates as Life Artist.

I liked all of that, although I wasn't sure if she knew me well enough to make these assessments. Maybe she knew me that well. Whatever. I took it as a complement.

Then I moved to Germany, learned the language much better, and found out that Lebenskünstler isn't nearly the positive term I'd thought it was. Maybe for Uschi it was a good thing, but to the typical German, this is not something to aspire to be. A life artist means you can't really do much else than stumble around being a drag on society. A Lebenskünstler can't be bothered to show up on time. Or pay his bills. Or send his mother a birthday card.

He's too busy creating art at every available opportunity. I'm going to keep talking about tea as if I was hellbent for leather. Its not hard to do. I'm told I have an addictive problem with tea. My answer? So.

But I'm also going to talk about enjoying the finer things. There are some really excellent blogs out there with better photography and beautiful graphics that deal with slow food, chocolate, and other things one enjoys sensually. My blog isn't such a site. Doubt it'll be like those any time soon.

I want to grab your imagination with my writing. To pull you into the mire and slather the muddy, dirty, stinky part all over you. It's really our only hope. You might resist at first, but when you finally recognise what the benefits are, theres no way you can go back to the life you were sleepwalking through before. None.

Kräuter und Würzel 'Sepp'

After spending most of the week before last hunting down tea shops and tearooms in Hamburg, I was pleased to find a little shop here in my backyard that I'd only heard about.

It's essentially a spice shop. But the guy prepares his own spices. It felt like walking into a nineteenth century apothecary. The first thing I liked was that he said he doesn't aromatize any of his tea. Or anything he makes, for that matter. He assured me that he throws weird concoctions of things together, but actually adding aroma to something goes against his code, or something. He was talking Bavarian. I didn't catch all of it.

In Hamburg there was a similar shop that seemed to specialize in spices, but was much more interested in the esoteric/Yogi tea market. This shop is nothing like that. At all. If anything, I think the whole vibe of the place is the opposite. He seems to be a throwback to when people made their own ointments and health concoctions.

He showed me different herbs in bulk and how he would use them for different recipes. If you don't see how this relates to tea, then let me just say I'm becoming more and more intrigued my the medicinal value of tea. One of the shop owners I talked with in Hamburg spoke of how we instinctually reach for tea when we don't feel well. That our body almost tells us, 'You need tea.' Even for people who don't normally drink tea.

There are much better places you can read about the chemical properties and effects than here, but suffice it to say I'm going to try to learn more about this and pass it on to you in a digestible manner. It seems like every time I turn around there's an article in the newspaper about the benefits of tea. This week in the Münchner Merkur, I read about the health advantages of drinking green tea. Certainly not a new idea, but it just seems to be coming at me from so many directions.



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